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considerablybigben:

*puts down capri sun* i am ready for a sex

paragonikathryn:

falstafff:

i don’t understand why people don’t instantly respond to “what would your dream superpower be” with the ability to manipulate probability.
think about it. what’s the chance someone will drop 1mil in front of me? 0%? let’s make that 100%. what’s the probability i’ll wake up tomorrow and be X gender? 100%. what’s the probability my bathtub is filled with mac and cheese? 100%.

This is genius

jnichols36:

equalityformermaids YOOOO

kohwala:

sansaofhousestark:

australia’s got a lot of fucked up shit going on but at least we can say our last mass shooting was 18 years ago

because after it happened we placed higher restrictions on gun ownership

because that’s the logical fucking thing to do

straya

busket:

sixpenceee:

God forbid we teach the children psychology !!!

i wish the devil would have taught me all this and i wouldn’t have to pay for college

skypestripper:

its not good sex unless u have to glue ur penis back on

queermarcobodt:

"you’re too young to know what your sexuality is" said the straight person to a queer teenager 

"he’s such a ladies’ man" said the straight person about a 6 month old baby that doesn’t know what a lady is

therandominmyhead:

Yes just me, a dog. Taking a walk. With my dogs. Who are my friends. But also dogs. And I am a dog.

soxry:

the basic appeal of warrior cats is like you’re 10 and you pick up a book with a cat on it and you love cats and whoa the book is from the point of view of a cat that’s so cool where’s that cat going what cool kitties who’s this yo what the fuck 

i have a huge purple and blue bruise around a cut on my knee and another bruise a little lower of my calf

good job drunk me yep you totally needed to whack the fan blades manually that was absolutely a necessary dance move youre a piece of shit

moreleftthannot:

Wow, imagine that.

blameaspartame:

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood …"

dadtier:

"cool story babe now go make me a sandwich"

image

“I am excited to see a generation of women who will raise their boys to be good rather than their girls to be scared.”

Date By Numbers  (via masturbationdestination)